Episode 9: The Importance of Sitting Bedside

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Being in a hospital brings up so many different emotions for me. There are of course fear and anxiety, however, sometimes there is also excitement and hope. Just knowing that stepping in we are closer to being on the other side of whatever it is we are trying to have fixed. 

To be honest,  fear and anxiety can oftentimes be louder than the hope and excitement. Once my husband was out of surgery to remove his thyroid he came back in pain. His surgery was three hours longer than they expected it to be. If you don’t know this, when you have your thyroid removed they have you leaning upside down. So there is a lot of pressure put on the shoulders in that position and then being there for so long just intensifies the pain later. 

Being bedside you can see a lot of what is going on and stay in tune with how everyone is feeling. You can check in with nurses and doctors when they come by and make sure that your loved one is getting what he needs. 

People spend time in the hospital room in different ways. Not everyone is able to stay … I never left. 

Of course I forced myself to leave and get something to eat - occasionally. Other than that I was always there especially for nurse shift changes and when the doctors made their rounds. Here’s why… My husband wasn’t going to remember anything that the doctor’s or nurses told him if he was the only one in the room when they came by to check on him. Progress checks are important and for me it was good to be able to know what it was they were looking for so that I could help my husband get there. However, I also advocated for him when they wanted to see him farther along than he was ready to be or if he needed more support from them. 

When you are bedside you can check in with nurses when they come in for their shifts and make their first rounds checking in with the rooms as they start their day. Never forget that nurses are the most important people in your world when you are in a hospital room. Also don’t forget that they have a lot of people to take care of all at the same time. I liked to meet who was responsible for my husband and try to give them a smile when I had it in me. We were in the hospital for so long that we got to see the same nurses often and it was good to be able to have just a quick minute to talk to someone who had an idea of what you were going through. 

The doctors rounds are a little weird no matter how many times you go through them. It’s as if everything stops for a moment. No matter what the nurse is doing when the surgeons make their rounds they command all of the attention and once they leave its back to business for everyone else. 

What I found to be the most important thing for me was to be there whenever he opened his eyes - as much as I could. For him to be able to wake up for just a second and know that he wasn’t alone. To be able to give him a smile a reassuring wink. Not needing to talk but just communicating through our presence. That made it worth the uncomfortable sitting and sleepless nights. 

I realized, while I was there, nothing was ever definite. Only milestones you had to work towards. So there was a day they thought he would be able to go home but that was extended by about a day. 

It wasn’t an easy experience for me. Here’s where the caregiver mindset starts to kick in. You are basically having a crappy time there. Your body hurts, you’re exhausted, you’re emotional yet you feel that you can’t complain because you weren’t the one who was flipped upside down and had glands removed from your neck for seven hours. I didn’t have cancer so I felt I couldn’t really even complain. I look back at that time now and wish I had someone tell me that I shouldn’t dismiss my experience at the hospital. That it would be ok if I took the long way to the cafeteria or sat outside on a bench for a moment (it was February in WI after all). 

So hopefully this helps someone out there. 

Here are some things I’ve learned after helping my husband through multiple surgeries over the past six years.… 

Hospital rooms are freezing and since you aren’t the patient there is not much concern for how you are doing. So bring an extra sweatshirt with a hood. It’s hard to sleep when there is so much cold circulating air so being able to cocoon myself in a sweatshirt was the best thing I could do. That also means thick socks and layers.

When people came to visit I asked them to bring me food. I didn’t care if it was snacks or a meal. Hospital food gets old fast! Of course I could have left the building to get something but I think you know I didn’t give myself that option. The thought of actually getting into my car to drive down the street was unthinkable!

Before going in to surgery, check to see if there will be a bed, recliner or some place for you to be able to sleep in the same room if you plan on staying the night. The first surgery was in a really nice cancer floor room that had a sofa that converted into a bed. But I have also found myself in a room that had nothing but a regular chair but at the end of the hall there were rooms with sofas that you could reserve for the night. When we have had to go to that hospital I have always booked a room in a hotel right across the street. I would wait until the night shift nurse came in before I left and I would be back for the next shift change in the morning. Don’t forget to ask the hotel you stay in if there is a discount for patients. They almost always do but don’t necessarily announce it. 

If the nurse seems crabby she could be having a bad day. We all have them, try to share a smile if you can. Also, as much as you’d like to think its about you it probably isn’t  - unless its the 20th time you hit that call button - then it probably is all about you and you’re the reason she’s having a bad day. 

It’s ok to ask questions. Ask the nurses, ask the surgeons ask anybody if you have a question. If you were wondering about something — ask. Everyone seems busy all the time but a quick question is almost always answered. If not ask again the next time they come into the room. If you are asking an important question and you feel you weren’t actually answered in the reply ask the question in a different way. 

Find something you can look forward to each day. Maybe it’s waiting for the surgeon to come in to tell you if you can go home or it could be the special of the day in the cafeteria. Just find something you look forward to doing each day. 

It’s ok to be scared to go back home. Thyroidectomy was the beginning of the struggle for us. After having all the support I was given for my husband in the hospital and being lucky enough to not have to worry too much about what was going on at home it did make me worry about how I was going to be able to continue to take care of him once we got home. 

Most importantly remember to breathe! I can’t tell you how many times I would catch myself holding my breath while in the hospital. You have to let that stress go and breathing is the most accessible way to do it. Just close your eyes and bring a deep breath in and let it out. Sure it might open the space to allow you to cry. Guess what - you can do that too. Nurses have seen people cry and it won’t really phase them. 

Looking back at it, even though the focus was all on my husband I should have given a little more attention to myself. All we can do is learn as we go through caregiving. So be ok with making mistakes and not knowing how to do everything. However, the one thing I’d say is try your best to make yourself a priority at the very beginning or it will be harder to do as time goes on.

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