Episode 26: Stranger in an Elevator
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Have you ever had a moment where, out of the fog that you are in, you see just a small opening that gives you a sense of clarity? Something that pulls you in that direction and a little bit farther from the dense overwhelm you almost always find yourself in as a caregiver?
The other day I remembered how a stranger did exactly that and I always wish I could have been able to find him and thank him for reminding me to be thankful for what I have.
About three years ago my husband was admitted to have a lymph node removed that was believed to have thyroid cancer. We had just checked into the hotel and I had to go back to the car to get something. I was tired and emotional. It was a couple hours drive to get there and just the weight of the surgery he was to have the next day was heavy on me. I always feel really stressed the night before one of his surgeries and I was overwhelmed when I was walking back to the car.
While walking in the parking lot I passed a small group of people and the only reason why I noticed them is because one of them said he had to run back to the car to get something he forgot. In all honesty my snarkiness is what made me notice it all because I thought to myself “well that sucks.” Otherwise I probably would have been too self absorbed to even notice him.
We both made it back to the elevator at the same time. I didn’t engage at first because, truthfully he seemed to have way too much energy and I didn’t want to talk to anyone. But he asked me if I was in town for a surgery and I answered back - yes, my husband has surgery tomorrow. I asked if he was in town for the same reason and he said yes.
His eyes lit up as he told me his story.
You see his wife had a massive heart attack and she was airlifted to Mayo Clinic for a surgery she couldn’t have at the hospital in her town. He had to drive to meet her and came with other family members for support. With a smile and a sense of happiness that seemed to make him bounce he told me that his wife surely would have died if she hadn’t been transported and even though she will have a lengthy recovery she was alive that night and he could go to sleep knowing he’ll be able to see her in the morning. He stepped out on his floor and wished me good luck and I did the same.
I continued to my floor and stepped out a little confused. Here was this older gentleman telling me a story that so easily could have been told to me sadly. Or better yet most people in his position wouldn’t have even talked to me because - just like me - they would have been too overwhelmed to care to acknowledge they were even in the elevator with another person.
I sat with that encounter that night and into the day the next day. I thought about him while waiting for my husband to come out of surgery - wondering how his wife was. Wondering if he still had all of that energy.
He just wouldn’t go away.
What I started to realize was the more I thought about him the lighter my mood would become. Until I realized why this encounter stuck with me. The message he was giving wasn’t in the words he was saying but in the way he was saying it and I was focusing on the wrong thing. When I thought of him I was sad that he had to drive so far to be with his wife and thought of the fear he must have felt not knowing if he’d see his wife again. The fear his wife must have had if she could understand what was going on as she was transported via helicopter because the hospital she was in couldn’t help her. The anxiety of it all and the fact that she would have a long recovery. He was telling me the things that would overwhelm a person but that wasn’t his point.
I was missing the point. The reason why he was so happy and was so filled with joy and excitement was because his wife was alive!
At that moment he wasn’t bothered by the fear or the anxiety. He wasn’t bogged down by the overwhelm. That didn’t matter. When he could have focussed on all those negative things. The uncertainty of the future for his wife. The very real reminder that life is fleeting. He didn’t let it ruin the fact that his wife was still alive. He could’ve allowed himself to feel defeated or broken, that life was just too hard and almost losing his wife was the worst things that was happening to him. But at that moment in the elevator with me what he wanted me to know was he was excited about the one thing that mattered.
This man was going through a lot but he clearly made the choice to focus on the good.
I learned so much from that very short encounter in the elevator. He was the clearing in the fog I was in. He pulled me out of the thick of it. It took a day or so to realize what was happening and once I understood it has stayed with me for years. He taught me that I can choose how I see my world. I can focus on the negative things or look for the positive and when life gets serious I can step into the day with hope.
There will never be a way for me to thank him for the lesson that has helped me through some difficult times over the past few years. That one encounter reminded me that I have the choice to find hope or wallow in sadness and stress. Of course there are still days when things feel overwhelming but it’s almost as if internally I know when I need to make a switch which brings up the memory I have of this encounter. It still holds the same power as it did years ago.
I’m human and I have good days and bad. But the lesson I learned from this person helps me have a good balance of both.
It helps pull me out of the fog I sometimes find myself in.
Do you have a similar experience you would like to share? I’d love to hear it send me an email to tell me about it.
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