Episode 24: The Ripple Effect

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I have learned that hard times and stress bring out the true person. You can learn so much about a person by how they react to stressful situations.

I was reminded about this not too long ago while I was on my way to the Mayo Clinic with my husband.

We were on our way to go see a surgeon to talk about possible surgery. He hadn’t had surgery in about three years and we were lulled into this comfort of not having to do a lot to deal with his cancer. We know cancer is growing inside him but it’s been a slow progression. 

Now we knew that we could walk into this appointment and come out with surgery scheduled and our lives being disrupted as it always is with surgery. We were both anxious. We also don’t enjoy long drives and Rochester is two hours from home. So we weren’t in a great place but still able to talk about things and enjoy each other on the way.

Now many people would have gone into this day just feeling bummed out. I’m pretty sure I would have. I definitely would have started that day in a very self centered way. We decided to stop to grab some coffee and while paying at the drive through my husband asked to pay for the person behind us. That’s not actually abnormal. I know he does this as well as buy food for people who are asking for money on the street when we come across them. Helping people is in his nature. But that’s on a regular, good day.

He had the ability to think of helping out a person he didn’t even know on a day when all he could probably think of is if he was going to need surgery or not. On an unhappy day for him he decided to brighten up a stranger’s. 

As soon as I realized what he was doing I had to hold back the tears. It was a simple gesture that he didn’t ask to be acknowledge for. Not from the person behind us or even from me. It filled my heart to be reminded of what a good guy he is but it also broke my heart that such a good guy was going through such a crappy deal. Cancer doesn’t give a crap and as a caregiver that is the horrible part of it. To watch my husband go through this and see him think about another human being was also a reminder. A reminder that I have the opportunity to be part of this ripple affect he started that day. 

I’m not saying that I’m not normally a good human but if you listened to last weeks’ episode you know that I go into a mode of tunnel vision. So this was a reminder that just as easily as he may have made someones day by paying for their coffee, I too could negatively impact someone’s day, even if it were unknowingly. Especially if I let the stress of things consume me. 

I’m not even talking about out in public. If I don’t stay open to living as fully as I can it is very easy to miss the moments that I feel are precious. Not catching a smile or not sensing that someone I love needs a hug or reassurance. Turning down an offer to do something fun because I am too busy trying to keep things together is horrible, but I know I’ve done it. 

Also, if I am under a great deal of stress that means that my family is as well. We try to work as a team as much as possible. So I’m not contributing to that the way I would like to if I am not making myself available to support the other two people I live with. Having a surgery, no matter how good the doctors are, is scary. Knowing your dad is going to have surgery is scary. If we aren’t able to support each other, then things will begin to fall apart. 

So my husbands’ act of kindness not only affected a stranger it also affected me and reminded me that I need to be aware and take responsibility for the way I can affect a persons’ moment whether it’s in a negative or positive way.

Let me know what you think. As caregivers we would love to have someone do something nice for us. So I think it’s a great thing to consider doing as well.

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