Episode 222: The Self-Care Conundrum: Why No One Cares if You Fill Your Own Cup

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Episode Transcript

You know when someone tells you to care for yourself and it makes you feel awful because you’re it as their indirect way to tell you that you look like crap. 

Maybe you just lost it in the middle of a family dinner because someone asked you what you’re doing next week and the simple fact that you’re barely making it through that moment sets you off. 

Or possibly it’s hearing one of the all too often said lines like… you can’t fill from an empty cup or you have to put your oxygen mat on first. Sayings with no real meaning that make you realize no one is giving you anything to drink and you haven’t been on a vacation in years!

You know you need to take care of yourself. 

You’re always being told by social media accounts you follow, by Aunt Mary every time she sees you, or even on podcasts like this one. 

I’m not going to lie to you… it’s true. But what no one is telling you is… no one cares if you do or not. 

Sure it feels like everyone is concerned about your well-being and anytime someone mentions that you should go take a yoga class or some time for yourself it comes from either a place of love or just to make sure you know… that they know… you’re unraveling right in front of them. 

Throwing self-care at you is like throwing you a square of toilet paper when you’ve spilled a whole bowl of pasta with red sauce on your white shirt. 

Sure they look like they’re trying to help… it sounds like they’re trying to help… but are they really helping? 

If someone tells you to breathe while you're doubled over in emotional pain because you just found out your wife’s cancer came back does it really help? 

Everyone is quick to tell you about the things you should be doing. Who’s taking the extra step to help you learn how to use your breath as a tool or how to be mindful or help you figure out how to actually get your new yoga leggings on so you don’t have camel toe after you squat? 

Here’s the message for today… no one cares. 

They don’t care if you figure it out.

They don’t care if you do anything for yourself.

They don’t care if you care for yourself. 

They tell you it’s important because that’s the easiest thing for them to do. It makes them feel like they are contributing to your well being by simply pointing out a fact you already know. 

They will care if you end up in the hospital or if you become sick and can’t be a caregiver for a while. They will care if you loose your shit in the middle of thanksgiving dinner because you can’t stand Aunt Mary telling you again about a wonder cure for your child’s cancer someone at church told her about the other day. 

If it makes them uncomfortable or causes them to actually have to step in and help… how you care about yourself becomes more important.

And that’s ok…

Because caring for yourself is all up to you anyway.

No one is going to wait around for you to care for yourself. 

That sounds like a pretty crappy thing to say but it is the reality we live in.

You are the only one who will take a full interest in your well-being. 

Yes a lot of us have friends and family that really jump in to help us and give us a break from caregiving but still what you do with that time is all up to you.

No one really cares what you’re doing for yourself. Most of the time they’re just trying to keep up with their own lives and as tired as you may be… you need to take control. 

You know what no one else cares about? How many times you set your own needs aside for something or someone else. 

Didn’t take that walk because your husband was having a bad day? Haven’t talked to your best friend in months because it makes you feel guilty to even think about doing something fun? Are you five years overdue for a mammogram because there just isn’t any time?

You don’t get brownie points for that. 

It’s simple… take care of yourself, don’t take care of yourself… it’s your choice. 

There are people in your life that want you to be happy and want you to be able to care for your loved one (partly because they can’t or don’t really want to do it themselves). 

Most importantly… that person you care for… your husband, wife, child, parent, sibling, friend that depends on you… they need you to care for yourself. They want you there and they need you to be able to care for them. Accept it or not… taking time for the things you need to do for yourself is being a dedicated and effective caregiver. It’s part of the job description you just didn’t keep scrolling down to read the part that lays out the importance of making yourself a priority. 

Caregiving is an extremely difficult responsibility to take on. Making yourself a priority is one of the only ways you’ll make it through.

So take a moment and decide if it’s worth it to make yourself a priority today and how you’ll try to do that. Remember like everything else, take it one day at a time. 

Thanks for listening.