Episode 202: Transforming Daily Habits into Moments of Self-Care: How to Reduce Stress and Prioritize Yourself as a Caregiver
Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify
Episode Transcript
You say you don’t have time to do things for yourself… what if I told you there is an opportunity to change the things you already do into a small joyful moment.
In the last episode I told you a small part of my self-care story. I found caring for myself extremely difficult when I became a caregiver and even though I had the skills needed to care for myself
- An established self-care practice and
- Yoga and meditation training
Caregiving hit me so hard it caused me to give up everything I had been doing to care for myself. It took some time to get back to the things I needed to do to feel better and creating rituals was one of those ways.
A ritual, in this case, is anything you do that has a greater meaning for you. For today, I’m talking about the ability to turn habits into small moments that you can use to relax and release stress.
You most likely find that caring for yourself is difficult because you can’t find the time to do something for yourself. It’s very easy for you to not follow through on plans you have for yourself because other things “come up” that are more important. Maybe you’d like to reduce some of the stress you’re living with but you have no idea what to do or where to learn how to do it. Or you always wake up intending to do that “thing” but you always forget.
Knowing why caring for yourself is difficult is the best way to start and if any on these are reasons you’ve given for why self-care just doesn’t work for you than listen to this… you don’t have to make extra time, you don’t have to create new habits, there will never be anything that will be more important than these small moments and you don’t have to call out that you’re taking some time to yourself.
There is no way anyone or anything can hijack your self-care if you transform things you already do.
It’s hard to form a habit. First you have to learn about something new you’d like to do for yourself. Let’s use going to a gym in January as an example. The habit is new and you have to fit it into your day. You have to prioritize yourself in order to not be derailed by anything else going on in your life. You have to find the best time to go. You need to know what you’re going to do when you get there. The planning and the prep wears you out before you get there. Maybe you’re really motivated in the beginning and that gets you there. But shortly after the first few times there are things that get in the way or you simply don’t want to go so you don’t. That means you didn’t go enough times for it to become what you do. Not enough time given to habit formation.
Creating a habit takes a lot of effort in the beginning. Sometimes you have all the right intentions and then you just simply keep forgetting. It just isn’t a part of what you do in a day. I’m not saying that creating a habit isn’t a good thing to do. Figuring out how to fit a walk into your day, move a little or meditate would be a goal worth working towards.
However, I think we all need to start small.
You’ve spent probably a good deal of time falling into the caregiving routine you have right now. It doesn’t matter if you are on caregiver duty 24/7 or if your responsibilities rise and fall over time it’s most likely difficult to fit yourself back into your day.
Don’t judge yourself for that. Fitting yourself into your own day is hard for people who aren’t also caregivers and having strong self care routines does not guarantee they’ll survive the transition into caregiving. I know it didn’t for me.
That can mean that right now you are living with a lot more stress than you can handle. Sure you’re getting by but not really thriving the way you thought you’d be at this age.
My suggestion is to start small.
We know that creating a new habit is difficult to do right now. It doesn’t matter why it’s difficult but let’s stop trying to force something that isn’t going to happen at the moment.
Let’s take a step back.
Let’s change something you already do and make it a moment to relax.
You’re nervous system doesn’t need to know any moment at any time is considered self-care specifically. Wether you’re taking some deep breaths in the kitchen or on a yoga mat means nothing to it. What your nervous system needs is moments when it doesn’t feel like it’s under attack. You need to have moments when you feel safe for your nervous system to be able to switch into a relaxation mode and reduce some of the stress you’re carrying.
Being consistent about reducing stress is the key. Finding things you can do daily is the way.
Here’s how…
Creating a ritual is the act of doing things that have a specific meaning for you. Its like lighting a candle. We light a candle for many different reasons. Maybe we light it because we want the house to smell like the candle. Or we light it because we want the mood that light brings. Or we light candles on a birthday cake to celebrate the day someone was born. Almost always there’s an emotion attached to simply lighting a candle. In our world today lighting a candle isn’t usually a utilitarian act to produce light, because we all have electricity.
So using the candle as an example… a habit can be simply lighting a candle so you can see at night. The ritual would be… lighting a candle because you want to enjoy the soft glow of the candle and it’s fragrance.
You change the emotion and the motivation behind a simple habit and it turns into something bigger.
You turn a habit into a ritual and you never have to figure out how to fit in small moments of joy into your life because they are always there.
Remember to start small…
Start with a habit you do daily.
For example… at some point in the day you will drink something. Maybe it’s coffee or tea in the morning. Maybe you start with a glass of water instead.
Most likely you drink this first drink of the day on autopilot. You make the coffee or tea, or grab that glass of water without thinking of it.
What if you did think of about it. What if every step you take to make that drink and get it into a mug or glass is intentional. What if you sat with the drink and actually smelled it. Felt it against your lips. Feel it in your mouth. Experience the taste of it. Notice how your body responds to it.
If you’re going to grab that drink anyway, why not make it a moment for you? Maybe just experiencing the drink is much better than gulping it down while you go through the todo list that will make you anxious or trying to feverishly try to get everyone ready to get out the door. It can be just a minute of just drinking that drink. Nothing else. Mindfully experiencing this one moment you rush through everyday. Giving the beginning of the day an opportunity to be peaceful even if it’s just for a minute.
In fact the next time you pick something up to drink try it…
Feel the cup, glass or bottle. Is it hot or cold? Do you look forward to drinking it? How does it smell? How does it taste? How do you feel while drinking it and right after drinking it?
Use your senses and experience the drink even if it’s just for the first sip. That is the easiest way for you to experience how creating a ritual out of a habit can give you small moments of joy.
Consider taking the next few days to notice the things you do all the time and next week I’ll talk about how to actually create these rituals and how they can help you throughout the day.
Thanks for listening.
