Episode 12: They're Letting Us Leave?

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Isn’t it amazing that within a day your loved one can be hooked up to machines with constant surveillance and then you are sent home with them? 

What the heck?

I get it, the less time spent in a hospital the better. 

But I was so focused on his surgery and his health afterward that I never took the time to realize that I had to take him home at some point. 

I mean… I knew the goal was for him to get home. But the reality of it didn’t hit me until the doctor’s came in one morning and told us they thought he was ready to leave!

I can remember how scared that made me. I thought - wait, I take him home like this?

He still had drains in his neck!  What do I do with that?

Sure everyone was excited that he was able to come home. He had already stayed in the hospital longer than expected. I was relieved to be able to sleep in my bed. But how much sleep would I really get?

I remember thinking that maybe the hospital was my break and I totally botched that. Now going back to the real world with this new responsibility was the beginning of the way things would be. 

Before the surgery things didn’t feel as real as they did when we left the hospital. 

Leaving a hospital with him after a surgery has always filled me with half relief and half dread. The first time we left I remember trying to be as positive and reassuring for him as I could but terrified on the inside. 

I don’t know about you but my first thought usually is - what do I do if he feels so sick I can’t get him out of the car when we get home? I still don’t have a good answer for that and, thankfully, never have had to figure it out. 

Before we left the hospital after his first cancer surgery I was given a long list of instructions and a bag of medication and a husband with drains still winding through his neck as well as instructions on how to care for those too! All these instructions and medications and post op visit appointments handed to me and I’m thrown out into the world not knowing what I am doing. Not having the safety net of the nurses. 

They send you to get the car with all of that plus everything you brought with you that somehow seemed to double in size. You carry all that to the car that seems to be parked 20 miles away (if you actually remember what parking lot you left it in). I think I cry a little each time I walk back to the car. I’m usually so exhausted.

You finally get in and drive yourself to the patient valet door - I’m not sure if that’s what they call it but in my head that is what it feels like it is. And then you’re off! 

You drive away and think - HOLY CRAP!

Driving away after the first surgery  felt like everything had been a bad dream. Being exhausted and thrust back into the real world felt uncomfortable. I always drive back so emotional and on the edge of breaking down. Because I understand this is just the beginning again.

Usually he sleeps for the length of the ride. I drive home very aware that no one on the road with me knows what we’ve just been through.

Here are some things to think of for your ride home especially if the surgery is a thyroidectomy. 

• Bring an oversized button down shirt. They won’t be able to lift their arms much and definitely won’t want anything touching their necks. We usually take a trip to a thrift store to buy a couple. It’ll be the easiest thing to wear during recovery as well. 
• A sweatshirt. My husband had a hard time regulating body temperature especially after his first surgery. Something again oversized and with a zipper. A hood helps.
• Easy shoes to put on. There is nothing easy about trying to get someone who just topped off their Percocet to push their foot into a shoe. Remember you will be exhausted and if you are anything like me - short tempered.
• Comfy pants that are easy to put on. 
• A blanket for the car. 
• Ziplock bags. I don’t remember us ever having to use them but my husband is always really nauseous in the car ride back. All I can say is if he threw up in the car and I had to clean that out that would be the last straw. I would completely lose it! 

When you get to the hospital try to remember to …

• Take a picture of where you parked the car. You might forget. Also take a picture of the ramp you are in.
• Slip the parking ticket into your phone case. Chances are you won’t lose your phone but it can be easy for that parking ticket to fall out of a wallet when paying for food or end up getting thrown away. Remember - no matter how good you are at keep things together small things like not being able to find your ticket can be enough to set you over the edge.
• Ask if they validate parking when they tell you you’re leaving. I say ALWAYS ask. I have found hospitals will do so many things if you ask for them but don’t advertise those services are there. So ask.
• One last thing. Have dinner planned for that day. You are going to be hungry and too exhausted to figure out what to eat. So decide even the day before. If you have people set up to bring food have it start that day. Ask that some help you out and leave it in a cooler at the front door if possible. You aren’t going to have the energy to talk to anyone but most likely you won’t ask them to leave if they show up while you are there. So request a contactless delivery at least for the first day.
• One more thing - Don’t try to be productive the rest of the week. Just rest. Take naps. Do the bare minimum. You are going to be in this long term so no need to do more. Just enjoy being able to rest with your person. 

Going back home after surgery can be both a happy day and make you completely stressed out at the same time. Try not to have big expectations for that day and a few days after. Try your best to relax in between taking care of that special person.

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