Episode 56: What's Your Power Source?
I love movies
I especially like it when the main character gets to a point where you question if they’ll ever be able to rebound. Maybe they’ve just been crushed by a building or (if it’s not a super hero movie) possibly something life changing just happened to them and you start to wonder how anyone could recover from that.
I get really into a movie when I watch it. I can get pretty intense. So when, let’s say, a character looses their spouse it hits me hard because I’m fully invested in what I’m watching. But then there is that moment when my doubt turns into excitement. As I watch the character turn things around. When I see the building that fell on them begin to move and shake and finally shoot up from the ground to reveal that the superhero is alive and well. When I see the character, that seems to have succumb to how crappy his life became, get that look on their face and you just know things are going to change…I am elated.
Not just because it makes for a good story but it solidifies the faith I have that I will somehow rebound from what life throws at me. When Spiderman jumps back up to join the battle, when the widow takes control and rules her world I let it fill me with excitement for that character because it makes me believe that I too can recover.
I understand that it’s just a movie. Even if it is based on true events it’s still a story. But I also believe that what I consume has a big part in how my world is shaped. If I watch things that give me hope even if it’s hope for a fictional character it seems to fill the place inside of me that holds on to hope in my own life.
The second best part of a movie like this is what they say. That power statement they use when they’ve had enough of what was being thrown at them. The phrase that makes you think OHHHH crap now they’ve done it! They’re going to get it now!!!
Maybe it’s Hulk Smash, Excelsior or This is Sparta!
When they say their line - their power statement it’s as if they are cementing what they already know by telling the world they’ve had enough. No more. There’s work to be done and they’re going to take control of that moment of their lives. When I hear them say that one line it tells me that things are going to change for the better. They are going to kick some butt and even though it’ll be hard, things are gong to change.
I get excited to see that it fills me with energy because I can make parallels in my own life.
How many times have you felt like you’ve been knocked down by life so many times that you don’t know if you can get back up again? I’m sure the moment you became a caregiver could be one of those times. Maybe when caregiving feels overwhelming you just can’t see yourself rebounding and taking control - right? But somehow you just keep on caregiving. You keep on going but never feel like you’ve hit that moment when you can see how things can turn around.
How boring would a movie be if all we did was watch a person keep getting pummeled by life and never see the climax. Never see the story developed to have the hero start fighting back. The point of the story when you can stop holding your breath and cheer! I don’t see any reason why we can’t be caregivers and have those moments. Those moments when we know we are going into battle and we have something to say that bolsters our resolve, makes us feel stronger than we probably are and give us hope that we can make it through to the end?
OF ALL PEOPLE we should have our own catch phrase or power statement that we use to remind us that we CAN do this. The things we can tell ourselves that gets us up from the depths of despair and the overwhelm of caregiving. You see, if you constantly had a reminder of your own potential, your own strength, you would be better able to rebound. You see the hero’s of the stories fall. They have their vulnerabilities but they keep getting back up.
Ask yourself what getting back up would look like for you? Would it mean that you would grab the reigns of the life that you feel has been taken over by caregiving? Does it look like finding ways for people to help you with the things you just can’t or don’t want to do? Can you see yourself waking up and taking a step at a time towards loving yourself again? Maybe your rebound is simply problem solving so you can find a way to get a good nights sleep.
You see, in the movies, that moment is flooded with light, isn’t it? The filters are usually dark and dirty and then when the hero comes back the world lights up and when they say their phrase you instantly see their power.
What could your phrase be?
Maybe the future is stressful to look towards. Possibly you find yourself waking up to a day when you have to take your spouse to the hospital for tests or surgery. On days like that I tell myself I can do this one step at a time.
When I feel really broken and I know I need to pivot and change how I see myself I remind myself that My family loves me exactly as I am.
When someone is a jerk I say. They can kiss my butt they don’t know what I’m going through!
Sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror and I know today is the day that I have to work on my confidence I’ll wink at myself in the mirror and say Hey there sexy.
If dinner is always a struggle you can walk towards the kitchen saying I’m going to rule this dinner! Or maybe if you are super tired you can say Eggs and toast are awesome!
It might sound silly but think of something you can say to yourself right now. You could think of something like Caregiving isn’t going to break me or simply I’ve got this!
Maybe you’re the type of person that needs something a little bit meatier. Something that can be your personal caregiver statement like:
I am an (insert phrase here/awesome caregiver/tireless warrior). I am in control of ( How I respond to stress/ how I feel today etc) and will have (a positive affect, etc) on the person I care for. I am strong and can take on anything that comes my way. I am (insert feeling here ie.grateful etc) for everything I have in my life right now and I love myself for (something positive about yourself ie.the way I am this very moment).
Words and thoughts are powerful… not trivial.
Words and thoughts are powerful … the things you say to yourself are things you will begin to believe.
WORDS AND THOUGHTS ARE POWERFUL! … whatever you choose to say you might need to say a few times before you can say it like you believe it - but you HAVE to be open to believing it.
It is so worth it! Because I know how low things can get for you. I’ve felt as if nothing would ever get better. Like life was just repeatedly punching me in the gut and that no one cared to step in to stop it. Caregiving can be lonely. It can be severely depressing. It can easily feel like you are struggling to keep your head above water. But you made the most important choice you could have made for the person you care for… you stayed.
So I’m telling you that, YES you can do this. It’s going to be rough but you can be a caregiver and, even though some days it will feel like it’s tearing you down, you will be able to find the strength to get right back up because you are a powerful person! You are in charge of the health and care of another person who you selflessly decided to care for. You are their hero, their superhero. You are the one that will be there to hold them up, to get them going, to continue moving forward, and you will have the power and strength to do the same thing for yourself. When you need to remind yourself of this you will tell yourself that you are the best person for this role and the most important person for the one you care for.
Don’t forget it.
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