Episode 136: Who Cares How Full Your Glass is as Long as You Know How to Find More Water?

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Transcript

Do you have a hard time believe that something good can happen?

We’ve all been forced to face how unfair life can be… so are you a glass empty or glass full type of person?

I think I’m a… hope the waiter comes soon because I’m thirsty type.

Let’s talk about why we shouldn’t give up on hope. 

I sometimes wish I could wave a magic wand and make things easier. Cure my husbands cancer and make my families life full of happiness.

That won’t happen. We all know that. 

If you’re a caregiver you know that life is full of hardships and unimaginable loss. You experience grief in anticipation of having a reason to grieve. You know your life and that of the person you care for can change at any moment. 

Why do we always assume that change would be for the worst?

Why do I worry about my husband’s health and never feel excited about something positive that could happen. They’re both a possibility… why do I lean towards the negative things that can happen? 

Why do I accept with out question when the oncologist says one of my husband’s tumors grew since we were last there but I want to know exactly why and how are they sure when there is no new growth?

I’m not a pessimistic person. In fact I can be sickly optimistic. Sure my glass is half full but I firmly believe that someone will fill it up when I need it to be. 

I think the problem is is that we feel safer if we believe the worse will happen. If we come out of a doctor’s appointment finding out that our loved one’s health has deteriorated we can say… I knew this was going to happen. 

When we expect the worst we aren’t hurt as much as if we expected the best and are disappointed. 

Yes I have fear when I walk into an oncologists office with my husband with hope there is nothing new to talk about… which is the best we can hope for right now. I do feel panic that something is wrong once the words start to come out of a doctor’s mouth. However there are days when I hope for good news and I get good news. 

I enjoy living with hope. That doesn’t mean that I ignore what is really happening in my life. It definitely doesn’t mean that I don’t experience pain. 

I just chose not to let life break me down. 

My husband has lived with cancer for almost a decade now. He’s had multiple surgeries and treatments… some of them life threatening. I know the fear you can live with when someone you love has cancer. 

I also know that If I waste all my time worrying about the things that can take my husband away I will lose time actually enjoying life with him. 

Not having hope isn’t acceptable for me because living my life always expecting the worst is unthinkable. 

No matter if I expect the worst or hope for the best I usually have very little control or input in the matter. 

I can’t control the growth of cancer. I can’t predict or change what will happen to me or my loved ones in the future. 

All I control is the moment that I’m in and I can chose to try to find a way to live in that moment with as much home as possible and love as strongly as I can or fear that everything will be taken from me and destroyed. 

Hope is a choice. 

No matter what adversity you live with… hope is a choice. 

I get it… not having hope is comfortable. When you have hope for something positive to happen you set yourself to be let down. It’s vulnerable and believe me I do not like the feeling of vulnerability but I love the feeling of enjoying life when I can better.

I’ve lived through a lot of personal hardship from a very young age. Experiencing the ugliness that is possible in life is not foreign to me. But I don’t chose to let grief, sorrow and anger win. 

The waiter will come to fill my cup. 

I’m not naive. I have no problem sticking up and advocating for myself and my family. I don’t let people run over me and I’m not easily fooled.

However, I do walk through life expecting the best. 

Don’t you deserve the best?

You doubted that when I said it didn’t you? 

But really… don’t you deserve the best? 

What if the best isn’t a cure. 

What if the best is seeing what is good in your life?

I know there is something good because you woke up this morning and you’re listening to this podcast now.

What if we spent less energy focussing on what is so wrong for us to be able to see what is actually going right?

Yes, there are times when I walk in full of hope and I leave heart broken. Having emotions is a human condition we can’t easily escape. Even though I hate feeling sad, let down and disappointed I know that in time I will recover and find reasons to be hopeful again. 

God… caregiving sucks, it does. 

I’d love to be able to plan a vacation or think about where I’d like to move to retire in the future without following that up with wondering if they take our health insurance or how far would we have to travel to see a good oncologist. 

I’d love to be able to live without extra responsibilities and worries. 

But that isn’t the life I was dealt. I can’t change that. I can’t change the fact that my husband has cancer. 

Why let that be the end of it? 

Why just give in and how miserable would I be if I did? 

There are always days when I get angry and feel resentful… sure those are normal emotions to feel when you are hit in the face with the unfairness of life every time you wake up. 

But I refuse to let it win! I refuse to give up on hoping that today will be a good day, that people in my life will be a positive part of my life, that my husband will live with me until we are old and shuffling down the sidewalk together at snails pace. 

I have to be honest I’m kinda lazy and being upset and angry all the time feels like a lot more work than just being ok or happy. Why waste time being upset about something that might happen before it actually happens? Then if it happens you’ll be upset about it. 

Look… I have days when I really stare down on that half glass of water and I take a sip and it just keeps getting emptier. But when that happens I slide my glass to the end of the table so the waiter can see it. And if that doesn’t work I go grab the pitcher myself and fill my glass. 

So I guess what I’m saying is stop worrying about how full or empty you glass is… just fill it your own damn self. 

Thanks for listening