Episode 130: How to Embrace Stillness When Your Caregiving Life is Fast and Crazy

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Transcript

What do you do when you find yourself alone… with nothing to do and no one to interact with?

Do you pick up your phone and scroll through social media or play a game?

Do you grab a book or magazine or start to write down a list of things you need to do?

Let’s talk about the importance of stillness.

It might not be often that you have a moment for yourself when there is nothing to do for a few minutes. Maybe you’re sitting and waiting for a phone call from the Dr’s office. Or you’re at the doctor’s office waiting for your loved one to come out. 

Or 

Maybe you’re just waiting for the meal that has just 5 minutes left in the oven.

We always want to keep busy. Our minds need input all the time now so we give ourselves ver little opportunity to just be. 

It’s awkward isn’t it? When you find yourself alone with just your thoughts it feels uncomfortable to sit with them. Sometimes it hurts to sit in silence because it forces you to see what your reality is. Maybe your world is always so loud that the silence itself hurts your ears.

I get it. When my husband has his regular scans every six months I know there will be a good amount of time when I’ll have to sit in the waiting room by myself. I purposefully pack something to keep my busy because sitting there and not doing anything feels weird.  Even when I just want to sit and look out a window I still have a cup of coffee or tea with me so I can enjoy it while looking out into my world. Even though this is a perfect self care moment it is still me doing something. 

When I meditate it would look like from the outside, that I”m doing nothing but I am actually working hard at focussing, or sometimes being guided if I’m listening to a meditation.  Even though I am still I am still active. 

So when was the last time you did absolutely nothing? When you were just still? 

This past summer has been a whirlwind of transition and growth for my family and the other day I was feeling the heaviness of all the change I’ve been through so I sat on the floor because it wasn’t a normal sitting place for me. Then I laid down and looked up at the ceiling and did nothing. 

For the first time in a long time I had no agenda, nothing to keep myself busy or entertained. It was just me. 

To tell you the truth it felt like I was doing something I shouldn’t be. There was a little feeling of naughtiness that started to show up. As if I should have been doing something better, more important, more productive with this time. 

My mind wanted to stay busy so I started to plan out what I was making for dinner that day. Tried to remember what I had on my calendar for tomorrow. Became uneasy because I couldn’t remember if I had a call I needed to be on while I was laying on the floor… in stillness. 

I tried to let that pass and watched my thoughts as if they were a movie. Trying to not become emotionally attached to anything I was seeing. 

I tried to just stay still physically but found it difficult to make my mind still. 

It was almost as if my body was a toddler I just said no to. Because it kept coming up with ways to try to make me interact. As soon as the meal planning didn’t work and it got quiet enough I became emotional. Waves of sadness came over me. I realized I was letting go of stress I didn’t even know I was still holding on to. All of the things that I kept myself busy in order to avoid were finally allowed to come up. 

Still I tried to watch these emotions and thoughts like a movie. It doesn’t mean I didn’t show emotion or I didn’t cry but I do that when I watch movies too. 

Once I got through that everything became calm. I could finally be still. My mind had slowed down. My body relaxed to the floor. I could finally just breathe and let go. 

It felt like everything was ok and was going to be ok. Everything was calm and felt wonderful, freeing. 

I realized that just like everything else I do for myself sometimes doing nothing is the thing I need the most. 

We are always bombarded with the overwhelm that comes with caregiving. All the things we have on that to do list that never seems to end. All the times we hear that we need to be doing something to care for ourselves and not knowing how to find time to do any of that. We wake up and go back to sleep with he same amount of stress and anxiety always dreading what the day is going to bring us. Worrying about what will happen next. 

We are constantly living with a certain level of stress that we really don’t need to be living with. We are always thinking, problem solving, talking, engaging with people, watching TV, Looking at our phones. We are always… doing… something. So much so that we’ve lost the ability to do nothing at all. 

In loosing that we have lost the ability to just experience our world, come back to ourselves and check in with how we are and what we need. We’ve lost our ability to find a peaceful place where our bodies and minds can get the rest they really need. 

Being able to be still allows us to practice just being in the moment. We spend so much time worrying and working on things with he future in mind or stuck in the things that have happened in the past that we are never able to enjoy the moment we are in.

We miss so much when we don’t take time to just be still. 

I invite you to at least make a mental note to try this the next time you’re waiting in line or in a waiting room. Instead of picking up that phone or trying to busy yourself with something see if you can take just a minute to do nothing. You don’t have to lay down in the middle of the room to do this. Just look at what’s in front and around you. Check in with how and what you’re feeling. If you’re out in public, notice the people around you. Sometimes you have the privilege of watching some really beautiful human interactions when you do this. 

Try out being still. Know that it could feel complicated and difficult. It’s not you… it happens but over time as you try it more it becomes easier. 

One day you’ll find yourself sitting with the person you care for and instead of being stuck in your head thinking of all the things you need to do or busying yourself with what’s on your phone you look at them and realize how beautiful they are and how much you love them. 

You don’t have to miss those moments. Being still is worth the effort. 

Thanks for listening.