Episode 112: An Important Message for You if You're Ready to Enjoy Your Life

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Transcript

Confession time… When I need a break from everything I’ll sit in my closet. 

Sometimes I’ll leave the light on and other times I just want the dark. When life gets too loud and when things feel too big my instinct is to take a step back and catch my breath.

I have the timing down too. I can essentially disappear for about 20 minutes before someone notices I’m not around. 

Sometimes sitting in the closet is my breather. It’s a break from the norm. 

I don’t always hang out in closets but when I do it’s enough to wake me up. It’s comforting and cozy with all the clothes, or coats depending on where I am, and it’s quiet. Standing in a closet is like going outside after a heavy snowfall… all the noise is buffered. Even if it’s noisy in the rest of the house the closet always feels quieter… calmer.

As weird as it may sound telling you about this secret feels harder than last weeks episode. Sharing my tip about closets is just enough to seem weird. So if this is the first episode you’re listening too… I’m sorry, and hello! 

I mean I don’t think I’ve actually ever confessed to retreating to my closet. Actually not just my closet… there’ve been other closets as well. It’s just not a normal thing to say. I wouldn’t meet a person for the first time and let them in on this secret. I suspect that they would think twice before offering to meet up for coffee in the future. 

Thing is… I’ve figured out what works for me and it’s become second nature. So if you actually did find me in a closet I probably wouldn’t care much at all because my need for self-care is usually more important than my fear of judgement. 

Finding things that will help you relax a little or take a break from stress and that suit you can be difficult. 

Sure I can tell you how important meditation can be or how calming a simple deep breath is but if it doesn’t fit your personality, the things you like to do and are comfortable with then it doesn’t mean a thing. 

Finding what your thing, what your closet is all comes with a little trial and error. 

The problem is you first, have to be ready to try something new. I completely understand how exhausting caregiving is. When you’re overwhelmed it’s a struggle to do anything let alone something new. I even have times when I begin to feel overwhelmed and struggle to bring myself back out of it by caring for myself more. 

Because of that I’d like for you to know that self-care isn’t easy. It’s the most difficult thing  to do when you really need it and it takes a certain amount of drive from you to become a reality. So if you wonder why the words self-care cause you to cringe it could possibly be because being told to care for yourself is usually done with the attitude that it should be easy for you to do. Just meditate. Journal, how hard can that be? People from the outside of the caregiving experience can’t understand that it isn’t as simple as putting pen to paper. 

You have to want it first. Oftentimes that desire comes at your lowest point. When you’ve decided that the life you’re living is horrible and there has to be a change. Because we can be our biggest challenge. 

Changing your routine and trying to find something to do can seem daunting if self-care is new for you. It’s difficult at best for someone who is overwhelmed with caregiving and actually knows at least one self-care tool. 

The difference between caregivers who find a way to make their own care a priority and those that don’t is wanting more in life and being able to act on that need. 

There are a lot of reasons why maybe you haven’t acted on this need or have but haven’t adopted things you’ll do for yourself on a consistent basis.

You don’t actually know what to do. 

Caregiving is a struggle and as altruistic as you’d like to appear… it is, at least at some times, a burden. Yes you do it out of love or some of you out of a sense of obligation but you stayed and it changed your life, not always for the better. 

So unless you were a meditator who journaled consistently and made yourself a priority before you became a caregiver you weren’t armed with the skills to be able to do it as a caregiver. You also weren’t given any support to figure out what you needed to do for yourself while you were trying o keep up with learning how to care for your loved one. So no intro to caring for yourself as a caregiver to at least give you some options to try and at least let you know the importance of making changes in how you care for yourself before things became overwhelming. 

You weren’t set up to excel as a caregiver. 

Ironically everyone starts telling you that you need to do something to care for yourself and it becomes maddening because their words mean nothing to you and they aren’t offering to help you figure things out. So you’re left knowing that everyone thinks the key is self-care but you don’t have the knowledge to use it for yourself. 

Self-care just doesn’t seem like a fit for you.

You think self-care isn’t for you because you just can’t meditate and that’s what everyone is recommending you do. You can’t focus on a video for more than 30 seconds so there’s no way you can sit still for 5 minutes and quite frankly you’re a little intimidated by what would actually happen if you tried to not do anything for that long. 

Finding a way to care for yourself takes time and sometimes it comes to you after a lot of experimenting with what works for you. I didn’t just become a caregiver and decide to start hanging out in closets! I did being to realize that noise became irritating when I was overwhelmed and stepping away to regroup was what I needed. I learned that through finding quiet in my days. However, I realized there were some instances when I couldn’t just drop down into a meditation or take a walk and a closet just became the thing I could almost always find. 

You have to get to know what you need and what fits your life and your personality. The only way to do that is to try things for a while. For that to happen you need to have just one thing to try out, have a way to learn how to do that one thing and then have support so you can ask questions as you’re learning and trying to fit it into your life. 

If you thought you were good at caring for yourself but once you became a caregiver the things you used to do just didn’t fit into your life anymore it can be a disappointment. It’s easy to judge yourself when you think you have your life under control and take on anything and then you become a caregiver and fall apart. There’s a lot of room for judging yourself, I know it first hand. I was teaching meditation and yoga classes when I became a caregiver and I used non of it in the beginning. I have an every day care plan and a plan for when things in life get very challenging and I still have moments in my life when I struggle. Sometimes knowing and doing are two different things. Sometimes what you really need is to feel like you are supported by other people who are also trying to figure things out and who will support you and keep you accountable. 

If any of this sounds like you then you’ll want to subscribe to my Caregiver Confessions guide.

Each month there will be a focus on self care. You’ll have a full explanation of how the self-care tool of the month can help you reduce stress. There will be ways to try it out with support from a variety of audio or video files, pdfs, checklists and quizzes. 

There’s only so much more you can continue not enjoying your life as a caregiver. Yes, it takes a long time for some of us to land on our feet and find a way to work on ourselves. 

You wish you could just sleep better and not dread starting your day each morning. You want to take a break and find time for yourself to relax but don’t feel you ever can. 

Or maybe you try to do your best at fitting time for yourself into your day but something always happens to derail that. Someone always needs something when you’re getting ready to take that walk so you never get to do it. You feel you have to be available to the person you care for every minute of the day so you never feel comfortable enough to sit down in silence and just enjoy a cup of coffee in the afternoon. 

You always feel like you have to be on all the time and you’re tired of it. 

This guide will be what you look forward to every month. It’s what will help you create boundaries so you can claim your own time. The guide will give you ways to problem solve and help you find how to fit time into your day because you’ll finally find the one thing you’ll actually look forward to doing for yourself. 

This is so much more than just a pdf download for you to swipe through. It will always have things to listen to or watch. Different ways to learn about a way to care for yourself. As well as time to spend with me and other caregivers live online each month to talk about everything in the guide for that month. You’re not just getting another thing to clog up your email that is just yet another list of things for you to do… you’re getting a roadmap to a better life and the support of someone who’s been where you are right now along with that of other caregivers trying to figure things out just like you.

Caregiving confessions is for caregivers who finally want to find easy ways to care for themselves so they can enjoy their life with the loved ones they care for. 

If you’re that person this subscription is for you. 

Go to loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions to learn more and subscribe. I look forward to meeting you at next month’s live session. 

Thank you for listening.